Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
