i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
