he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize