i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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