my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
