so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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