Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
