I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
