i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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