she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
