How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize