My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
