how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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