i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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