No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just invented taco cereal.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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