If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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