I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
