He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
