those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
