How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize