His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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