For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and she was petting her beer can
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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