If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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