take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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