Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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