If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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