Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
