3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize