i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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