Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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