is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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