Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
