The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
