You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
