Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
not ubering you a puppy
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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