This is not my ceiling
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize