She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
