great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
