Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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