So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
