who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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