he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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