Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize