At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
