So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
