So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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