hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
