you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
