Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize