My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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