I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
