are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
