I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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