but the lizard people decide everything anyway
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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