Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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