Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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