I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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