My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
