No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
