Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
