we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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