The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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