is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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