You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
