I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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