Say something about gay babies.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Bring me that man meat
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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