Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
