White coat. Heels.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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