put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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