he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
