1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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