after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
