me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You're a disaster
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