i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
