my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
