I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
