i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
