there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
