You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
