So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
