Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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