the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Randomize