Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
