Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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