i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
