Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
