They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
