Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
