Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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