Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
