You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
