i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
