There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
